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Even several hours after the sun had dropped behind the high city wall, and darkness had descended on the city, the main square was still alive with chatter and the aroma of honey cakes, drifting from small stalls.
Tonight was a special night- several of the king’s most trusted generals were present here in Janderouth- the most northern city of the southern kingdom- a mere seven leagues from the border.

“Tomorrow, we strike!” shouted Arthaeus- the king’s second in command, and the highest-ranking general in the nation. “Soon, the scum from the north will be all but gone- no more of these petty skirmishes, for tomorrow, we will invade, and slaughter them all!” At this he bowed from atop the small stage that was in the middle of the main square, elevated so even the peasants could catch a glimpse of the important official.
After a few moments, someone in the crowd started to applaud Arthaeus, and slowly the whole of the crowd joined in, until everyone was clapping and cheering.
All but one.
One figure stood in the crowd, unmoving amongst the cheering sea of bodies that surrounded him, waiting for the perfect opportunity. He wore a black cloak that covered from his head, as a hood, down to his feet, which were also covered in soft black leather shoes. In this dark apparel, he was next to invisible, even with the full moon gleaming down into the square, which itself was flooded with torchlight. He waited patiently, and when the opportunity came, he took it.
The man standing in front of him- a large man, who stank of meat ‘probably a butcher’, he thought to himself. The butcher was suddenly jostled aside by another man, in an effort to see the general, but in that split second when Azreal could see the general in full view, a dagger had already slipped out of his sleeve into his hand, and he had thrown it directly at the general.
Then he ran.
He slipped through the crowd with ease, everyone eager to let him out so that they could take the better position that was offered. As he ran past a small baker’s stall- one of many in the crowded square, he extended his hand and quickly snatched a packet of six honey cakes- bound together with a net of twine- from their place in the stall, and slipped them into his cloak. He ran on until he came to a small stone staircase, protruding from one of the buildings lining the main street. It rose about a meter before turning into the building, it wasn’t much, but it was enough. He sprinted up the staircase and leapt from the top, his fingers gripping the solid stone of a windowsill extending from the wall. He struggled for grip, but the momentum from his jump helped him, and he vaulted from the window upwards, jumping from sill to sill until he reached the a lower part of the roof, onto which he clambered. He stood still for a moment to catch his breath, and looked back towards the square- even from here, he could tell that the his dagger had done it’s job- the general was being carried away on a stretcher, a white sheet draped over his body. He could see that the whole crowd was confused, and many mothers were screaming, running about in panic- the whole square was in an uproar. There were even fingers pointing and accusations flying across the marketplace.
Azreal grinned and continued north, leaping from rooftop to rooftop until he reached the north wall. Several young recruits were busy patrolling wall, but they weren’t doing a very good job of it. After about a minute of observation, Azreal scrambled up the wall and over the other side- out of the city, where he untethered his grand black horse- Bloodbane- from a tree and started to ride- the long journey back home.

The full moon did little to illuminate the vast plains between The Last Wall and Janderouth, as it hid behind a thick cloud like a hare from a fox. As a result, the plains were dimly lit, and having a watchman patrolling the wall was useless- he wouldn’t see anyone coming until it was too late anyway. Nevertheless, Seybur dutifully strode up and down his section of the wall, staring out into the half lit gloom. But after a few hours, when the lack of excitement was driving him insane, he was suddenly awake.
Azreal and Bloodbane had no trouble at all crossing the seven leagues that lay between the city and the border, even if a soft blanket of clouds covered the moon. As he approached the wall, which was easily ten meters high and just as wide, he leapt off his horse and tied it to one of the several shrubs that lined the base of the wall, then scaled it as if it were a ladder, making less noise than a cat.
He emerged only feet behind the watchman and put his hand on the watchman’s shoulder, who turned around, almost screaming.
“Shhh,” Azreal whispered, “It’s just me, brother.” He continued, taking his hand off Seybur’s shoulder “now, where’s uncle Hawke?
Seybur smiled then playfully punched Azreal in the arm, before replying “He was at home in the study when I left- and by the way, do you have to make me wet my breeches every time?”
“Of course I do” Azreal replied, rubbing his arm “Because you break my arm every time! Oh, and Seybur, can you bring Bloodbane home after your watch, he’s just down there, by the gate.”
Seybur sighed in agreement and turned to look over the wall, and saw Bloodbane there, standing there patiently, munching on a mouthful of the hardy leaves that grew on the shrub he was tethered to. When, he looked back, Azreal was already gone.
©2007-2010 ~TheWhiteHawke
:iconthewhitehawke:

Author's Comments

I decided to make my story in several smaller chapters, rather than one large chunk, to make it more readable. As this is a work in progress, each of the chapters are a probably riddled with typos and grammer problems.

enjoy

(next chapter is --->[link])

Comments


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:icondelpheus:
I took the time to read it once over and I hope you don’t mind some advanced critique, from writer to writer. If I seem too harsh I do apologize. In my experience I’ve learned that it’s always best to completely set the scene rather than jump right into it, in most cases at least, but for the beginning of a story there should be a little bit more introduction. I’ve only read this first part but there doesn’t seem to be much character development yet, though the chapter was rather small. As far as overall writing goes it wasn’t bad, I was able to follow the character’s actions well enough. But more content, especially prior the action, would be my recommendation.
:iconbodyshk:
duuuuuddeee... Your stories are exactly what my drawings wanna' express... So, could we make an alliance? Like, u write the stories, I draw characters and lore... and, of course, I can give u a bunch of tips for ur stories... I am w8ing ur answer:D

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[link] <-- click THAT!!! I promise I'm not innocent... erh... nvm, just click the damn thing :O
:iconthewhitehawke:
I see what you mean, and most of it is really helpful, apllicable critique. This is supposed to be a prologue of sorts, both focusing on introducing the underlying character of Azreal and setting the whole scene for the book, so yeh.
Thanks for your advice, and I will certainly take it into account as I am editing my story :D

and any more critique from anyone is always welcomed!

--
Hey, I can't think of any witty comments, but It'd be cool if you read and left some feedback/constructive criticism for me :P

[link]
:iconthewhitehawke:
WHOA!!!! that would be AWESOME!! feel free to draw anything about my story!

seriously, your support is/will be great and if you want some detailed discription for my characters (they aren't from this story, but they are almost identicle) click here ---->[link]

--
Hey, I can't think of any witty comments, but It'd be cool if you read and left some feedback/constructive criticism for me :P

[link]
:iconwingdream:
oh, you have caught my interest =D
i shall read your other parts as well ^^

--
Everything falls apart;
even the people that never frown eventually break down.
:iconcrimsonbandit:
What I think is great about your writing is that you pay a lot of attention to what the less important characters are doing in the background, like the people in the crowd that are eager to let him past so they get a better view of whats going on. It makes them very believable and makes the whole scene feel full of detail :)
:icondarkestwriter:
A quick review:

1) Your characters are a little underdeveloped for me, but yet again it is only the first piece of a somewhat larger book I assume.

2) I like the way you have completely described your surroundings.

3) It was easy for me to read,but hard for me to follow.

4) A suggestion I want to make is to make sure not to lose your characters point in the story.

Overall, it was enjoyable and I would like to read more of your works. :)
:icondarkestwriter:
A quick review:

1) Your characters are a little underdeveloped for me, but yet again it is only the first piece of a somewhat larger book I assume.

2) I like the way you have completely described your surroundings.

3) It was easy for me to read,but hard for me to follow.

4) A suggestion I want to make is to make sure not to lose your characters point in the story.

Overall, it was enjoyable and I would like to read more of your works. :)
:iconthewhitehawke:
thanks :D (sorry i didn't reply to this sooner, didn't see it at all :S)

--
Hey, I can't think of any witty comments, but It'd be cool if you read and left some feedback/constructive criticism for me :P

[link]

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July 25, 2007
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